I remember when I was young and a newlywed, I stumbled across the blog of a recent widower. She was a young, too, maybe only a few years older than myself and a mom of two little kids. Her husband had lost a long and difficult battle with cancer and she suddenly found herself alone with the overwhelming task of being a single parent and grieving wife. Her blog was raw and heart-breaking. Each post I read would leave me in tears and aching for what she was going through. It was a sobering blog for me to be reading as I entered into a new season of my own life as a new wife. Her faith was oftentimes highlighted through her pain as she would write openly about calling upon the Lord for the grace and strength she’d need to wake up each morning through the grief. Her longing for heaven and consequently, her persistent eternal perspective was so encouraging to me as an anonymous reader.

Almost a year after I started reading her blog, I was sitting in church on a Sunday and was startled to turn around and spot her sitting quietly in the back row. Apparently we had mutual friends that I didn’t know about. After briefly introducing myself, I got an opportunity to sit and spend some one-on-one time with her.

Part of me was a little bit star-struck … not that I necessarily viewed her as a celebrity but for all intents and purposes I felt like I’d gotten to know her pretty well by following her blog closely and then to suddenly be having a conversation with her was pretty cool.

We talked about her kids, our husbands, her writing … I honestly don’t remember much else of what we talked about except for ONE thing that stuck out to me and has remained with me all these years later. She told me that when she and her husband were first married they prayed that the Lord would use them for His ultimate glory and that He would stretch them and not allow them to remain comfortable in their life. She said He has since answered that prayer – but not in the way that she was expecting – as she’s seen God use her faith through the death of her husband to bring glory to Himself. I told her that was amazing and that I wanted a prayer like that for my husband and me. She smiled and told me it was the scariest prayer that a Christian could give.

As time passed and I lost touch with her, I eventually got pregnant with E and I could feel my heart swell with pride and love every time I looked at her. I started the habit of praying over her as she’d nurse at bedtime and I’d ask the Lord every night to remind me that she wasn’t mine but His. And I’d pray much like that young widow once told she used to pray – that the Lord wouldn’t allow me to grow comfortable and complacent but that I’d always keep my eyes on Him, and that He would be glorified through our family.

Painful as it is to be given a diagnosis like ASD, I can say that it has stretched and grown my faith in ways that I never imagined. Trials do that – they refine your faith by fire in ways that a comfortable and easy life cannot. I can confirm that praying a prayer like the one I did is indeed a scary prayer but I can also tell you that if we really believe that this life is vapor, if we really believe that heaven should be longed for, and if we really believe that there is an eternity beyond what we see here, then there is no better prayer a Christian can be praying than that one.