This is a hard post to write. It’s certainly not one that I ever imagined I’d have to pen, not at least for another couple of years.

Last night we suddenly and tragically lost our sweet pup, Spartan. He was fine when we let him out in the morning but by late afternoon, it was clear he wasn’t feeling well and by dinner he was gone. We suspect he ate something poisonous or toxic to dogs while he was outside, most likely from a neighboring property. I’d actually noticed last week that he was starting to stray past our front lawn where he normally does his bathroom business and explore some of the other homes/lawns along our street. Hubby and I were in the middle of discussing whether or not we should put up a fence on our front lawn to help keep Spartan more enclosed. Our guess is that he sniffed around someone else’s home and found maybe a toxic plant or rat poison or something similar.

To be honest, Spartan was such a well-trained and quiet dog that even if he were feeling fantastic, you could usually find him taking a nap on his bed or by my feet. Because I was in & out of the house all day yesterday, I didn’t notice that anything was amiss until sometime around 4pm. I found him laying down in the middle of my kids’ playroom rug. He seemed lethargic and when I told him to move off the rug, he sort of looked at me, like, “No” until I told him to move again and he obeyed. The thing with Spart was that he had a super sensitive tummy so having random days when he wasn’t feeling the best because he maybe snuck a piece of cheese from someone’s plate wasn’t all that abnormal. For the 9 years we had him, there were numerous times he’d act kind of sick and then eventually diarrhea or vomit everything out and be completely fine. I remember once when he was maybe less than year old, he somehow got into a bag of raw rice and ate ALL of it while we were gone. Later when we let him out to relieve himself, he ended up vomiting raw rice all over the grass. That was just part of life with him. So when I saw him moping around in the playroom, I already knew he most likely ate something that wasn’t sitting well with him but it didn’t occur to me that what he ate could kill him.

After dinner, I was wrapping up with the dishes when E came running to me saying that Spartan was trying to throw up. In our family, that always meant he was horking and retching, and again – this wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence. I told her I’d be right there and hurried to prepare a spot by the kitchen where he could vomit/rest and it wouldn’t get near the kids’ toys or on a rug somewhere. The entire time between when E first told me he was sick until I finally got to him couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes.

I started by calling him to come to the kitchen. No response. I tried again and whistled, thinking maybe he was a little slower if his tummy wasn’t feeling well. After trying a few more times to call him with no success,  I started walking over to where his bed is and noticed he was slumped over next to his bed. There’s a distinct way an animal lays when they’re no longer alive … it’s the same position you’ll see a dead animal laying in the middle of the street. I knew as soon as I saw him that something wasn’t right.

I stepped closer and saw that there was vomit all over the floor around Spartan as well as vomit on his bed. His eyes were open and rolled back. I didn’t go any closer after that. I knew he was already dead.

Since Hubby was working late, I didn’t know what to do to get everything cleaned up and protect my kids from seeing their dog dead on the floor. Spartan weighed around 70 lbs of lean muscle and there was no way I could have moved him by myself. Thankfully, I have some amazing friends who came immediately at my frantic 911 text to them. They helped me clean everything up and put Spartie someplace my kids wouldn’t see him. I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for them (you know who you are, and shoutout to you <3).

It’s been a little over 24 hours since he’s been gone and the house feel so empty without his gentle presence. I’ll be honest, I’m not one of those crazy “dog parents” that loooooooves their pets as much as their kids. We loved him but a pet is a pet and a child is a child. I always assumed that when he died, I wouldn’t get that sad so the grief Hubby & I are both feeling for him is taking us by surprise. Maybe because he passed in such a shocking and sudden way? I don’t know but I’m finding myself missing things I didn’t even realized I’d miss. Things like the way he’d curl up on the corner of the living room rug when I’d sit on the couch with my laptop. Or the way he’d bolt awake as soon as we woke up in the morning and stand by the front door until we let him out. I think I’m most sad that my kids will have such an early and intimate lesson with death … we still haven’t told them that he’s gone and I’m hoping to delay for a few days until we can gain some more clarity/wisdom on how to talk about this with them.

I wanted to write this post in memory of our beloved Goldendoodle, our very first “baby”, Spartan. He was gifted to Hubby & I for our first wedding anniversary and saw us through so many changes and transitions. He was the only thing that lived with us in every single apartment/house we ever lived in, even that tiny 1-bedroom we rented when Hubby was first starting law school. He was by our side as we welcomed three tiny humans in our world, tiny humans who would lay on him, pull his tail, poke his nose, prod his ears … and all the while, he never EVER showed any aggression towards them. He was gentle and obedient and just down to the very core – sweet. Even friends of mine who were self-proclaimed “not dog people” couldn’t resist him, he was a dog you couldn’t hate.

Some of my favorite memories of him:

• Being in my first trimester of pregnancy with E and freaking out because I couldn’t find Spartan in the apartment … only to spot his little tail & booty sticking out from under my side of the bed because that was his way of being close to me while I lay sick in bed.
• Training him to not enter the baby’s room without permission when we were first pregnant with E. He was such an easy dog to train, we eventually ended up doing this with every kid we had and until the day he died, he knew not to enter any of their bedrooms unless explicitly invited.
• In one of the apartments we lived in when Hubby was a law student, we had these floor-length blinds that rustled and Spartan loved to sleep right next to them. When he’d move in the night or wake up in the morning, all the blinds would rustle like crazy and wake us up and DRIVE US NUTS (haha).
• He loved to hide under the dining table … even though we’ve had 3 different dining tables over the years, it didn’t matter. I think he liked the coziness of being under there.
• When he was realllllly relaxed, he’d sleep on his back with his paws stretched up to the air. Sometimes I’d find him sleeping in really odd, contorted positions that I couldn’t imagine could be comfortable but somehow he liked it.
• One time, when E was just a baby, Hubby went away for the weekend to a friend’s wedding and Spartan decided to have major diarrhea all over our house. Like on multiple floors and locations. That wasn’t fun hahahaha
• If you let him, he’d try to sit on your lap. I remind you, he weighed 70 pounds.
• He was scared of balloons. Sometimes if we didn’t want him to go on a piece of furniture, we’d put a balloon next to it and he wouldn’t dare go near.
• He loved to sunbathe on our patio.
• His tail was like a weapon: when he’d get excited, it would start wagging like crazy and inevitably wack anything that was in his vicinity … be it the wall, furniture, or one of our kids.
• Hubby says that his favorite memory is playing catch with Spart and since Spart was always so easy to psych out, Hubby would fake him left or right and Spartan would fall for it every time.
• I also loved watching our bigger kids fall in love with Spartan and really take ownership over him as their dog. I knew the feeling was mutual once he started obeying their tiny barking commands at him – “SIT!!!!!! STAY!!!!! OKAY EATTTT!!!!”. E, especially, started to show a real interest in responsibility over him in the past 6 months or so. She’d oftentimes wake up and let him out and then feed him all without us reminding or asking her to.

2010-2019 <3