I have to admit, my kids are a definite weak spot for me. I’m sure most moms will be able to identify with my struggle when I say that I take great pleasure in seeing their little faces light up and I don’t take great pleasure in disciplining them or seeing them sad.

When I got pregnant with E and first found out that she was going to be a girl, I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was. My mind started dancing with visions of the adorable & perfect little lady that I would get to raise. She was going to be the smartest, best-dressed, & kindest little girl that anyone had ever met.  I knew what mistakes my parents had made with me growing up and I was going to avoid repeating them so that my daughter would grow up to have the advantages that I missed out on. I had such lofty plans for her; she was going to be our little princess and I was going to treat her as so.

Obviously, autism throws a wrench into the best of plans and our life took detour from where I thought we were steering it to go. I’ve since blogged extensively about God’s perfect plan in giving us special needs in our family and the amazing things it’s done in refining my faith. There are definitely lessons and prunings that arise in your character that can only come about through struggles and heartaches.

I read this article on The Gospel Coalition a few months back and have had it bookmarked so that I could eventually write a post on it. The article is called There Is No Crown Without a Cross for Your Kids and I remember being immediately attracted to the title because I was curious about the idea of “a cross for my kids.”

It talks a lot about how we, as parents, oftentimes want to shield our children from anything that may hurt them. We want them to be well-liked, to have friends, fit in, never be ostracized or injured, safe, etc etc. Not bad desires but completely unrealistic since we can’t actually be there to protect our kids from every single harmful thing out there. In the years since E’s diagnosis, I’ve also personally come to the conviction that, at least for me, many of those desires to shield our kids can be rooted in pride. We don’t want our child to be the loner because that’s not only painful for my child but also painful for me as the parent! I want my kids to have the best clothes because then they’ll be well-liked but also, I’ll probably be well-liked and perhaps envied. Do you see how sinful thinking can creep into good intentions?

Anyway, as I read through the article I thought a lot about D. In many ways, I find myself slipping into my old way of thinking when it comes to D. With E, I know she’ll have a lifetime of struggles ahead of her and it breaks my heart to think about it, but D … D could still grow up to be a golden boy. I could still mold him to be the smartest, kindest, best in sports, excels in leadership type of son that every mother (and father) could be proud of. This thinking is so, so wrong.

All of us parents know this is true: no person gains any character, humility, empathy, or integrity in the context of comfort. These attributes grow by God’s grace in the fertile ground of pain, struggle, and humiliation. – There Is No Crown Without a Cross for Your Kids

Here I am, wishing and dreaming for these things for my son but at the same time never wanting him to be stretched or struggle. Sometimes I think my view can be so narrow when I look at my babies. The world is bigger than the four of us or our little home on our quiet street; life is bigger than who is the soccer star of their team or valedictorian of their high school.

I once met a mom who told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to explain E’s autism to her kids because she didn’t think her kids were old enough to understand and she was afraid it would only confuse them. I was greatly saddened when she told me this, not only for my own daughter’s sake, but also because I feel like her overprotection of her kids means that her kids are missing out on some valuable character building. If you’re a parent who is reading this blog, may I encourage you to not be afraid to expose your kids to things like other special needs kids? “Protecting” your kids from something that will only benefit them – understanding and knowing that there are people who are made differently and people who require those who are stronger to stand up for them, will not scar your child, it will only make your child wiser and kinder.

My babies are still precious and still royalty as they will someday grow up to know their Father who is King of all … but I’m starting to realize that for them to inherit their crown, it’s gonna take more than the latest pair of shoes and good grades.