When I was in elementary school, I was obsessed with handwriting. Other people’s handwriting, that is. Other people’s beautiful, neat, well-scripted, handwriting.
Not that my own penmanship was poor, but it wasn’t the same as the girl next to me’s handwriting. I would spend my days forcing myself to imitate my classmate’s handwriting and in every new grade that I moved up into, I’d find a new muse to imitate. I’d set her as my new standard and strive to emulate her at all costs.
Until one day, in sixth grade, a girl who I’d always thought had nicer handwriting than me, turned to me and sighed wistfully, “You have such pretty handwriting, Sophia. I really like it.”
Whhhaaaaat???
Mind. Blown. Could it be that during the years I’d spent pining over what other girls had, other girls were in fact doing the same thing to me? Is what they say about the grass being greener on the other side really true?
The answer is, yes, it always is. And the sad truth is that no matter how many times I have this epiphany I somehow always struggle with contentment. It may have started with something trivial like penmanship when I was 10 years old but two decades later I find that I’m still fighting it, except now it’s maybe someone else’s kid or someone else’s house that I’m comparing.
I think when you’re in a position like I’m in, it’s especially easy to let Mr. Compare Bear out of his cage – why does my daughter have autism but that family doesn’t struggle with anything? Why does my kid need to go through this difficulty but all the other kids don’t?
But what I’ve really been convicted of, and continue to be convicted of over and over again, is that any resemblance of a lack of contentment is truly a manifestation of pride. It’s only my pride that tells me that I deserve something different or better than what the Lord has seen fit for our family. If I humble myself to His will and plan for me, then I won’t have the desire to side-eye and see what’s going on with my neighbor. It’s for sure easier said than done and I’m nowhere near perfecting it, but I’m hoping that putting it in words into this post will help serve as a personal reminder to keep my eyes fixed on Christ and not on others. If you struggle with this too, let me know and maybe we can help keep each other accountable 🙂
Contentment, or lack of contentment is something i’ve been called out on various times. like you said, it can be anything. it can be in relationships/friendships i desire too much but God makes me wait on. there was a time, that i too realized that the root is pride. i feel that i deserve something i wasn’t getting. now as a mom, it comes as wanting my children to be a certain way. there were times i wondered why we suffer from struggles that others don’t, why another kid is so healthy and easy. i hear ya!